Men are reclaiming their penises, Pumpkins. A book entitled The Life and Times of the Penis, relates the torrid relationship of man to member.
It was only a matter of time, dahrlings. The ubiquitous image of the defamed phallus has shaped our psyches for centuries. Objectified from the time of homos erectus as stones and obelisks, to modern skyscrapers, fast cars and encased reconstituted meat products. Whew. Can you blame men for saying "enough!" ? Imagine how we would feel if huge vaginas littered the skyline.
Speaking of promoting large tubular things, Tiger Airways is cornering the S&M market with a behaviour punishment scheme. An Aussie who used a swear word on board a flight is now facing penalty by caning by Singapore authorities. Air travel is finally embracing its torturous image. Why stop at awful food, cramped seats and bad service?
And for male readers struggling with self-measurement issues, it's time to embrace your penile image. Here are the facts:
Vital statistics
- 3 to 5 inches – average flaccid penis, according to Masters and Johnson
- 5 to 7 inches – erectile median, according to the Kinsey Institute
- 1 inch – the shortest erection Alfred Kinsey encountered
- 10.5 inches – the longest erection Kinsey encountered
- 10 inches – what many American men believe is an average erection, according to the Kinsey Institute
- 13.5 inches in length and 6.25 inches in circumference – the largest penis ever medically verified; published in the Atlas of Human Sex Anatomy, 1949
- 2.5 inches and under – what earns you the moniker “micropenis” from the medical profession
- 5.8 inches – average erection according to 2001 Lifestyle Condoms, which carried out a large-scale study (tape-wielding nurses measured 300 volunteers)
- 1.5 inches or less – average erection of gorillas and orangutans
- 3 inches – average erection of the chimpanzee, which shares 98 per cent of its DNA with the human male
- 42 per cent – of respondents who would opt for a 10-inch penis and annual salary of £10,000 over a 3-inch penis and £100,000 annual earnings, as surveyed by Cosmopolitan UK
