Pity the men around you, dear Pumpkins. They are in travel – which, as we all know, means they are surrounded by women of a certain age.
To assist in smooth business operations and avoid unnecessary emotional pitfalls that come with this delicate territory, I’ve developed a ‘women of a certain age’ colour coded hormonal alert system. I urge everyone to adopt the Standardized Hormone Technique by Ivanna (SHTI), as follows:
- Yellow: highly sensitive, prone to tearing. May attempt to mate with strangers. Any discussion of water retention and weight issues should be avoided at all cost. Additional off limit subjects include: “the change” and all subjects related to aging [including but not limited to collagen cream, the 1970’s and spanks]. Examples of safe topics are: food, puppies, the state of the universe and Johnny Depp. For a complete list, go to www.is my wife insane.crazy
- Orange: nearing the tipping point. Easy to recognize since sleep disruptions and a confused emotional state contribute to wildly excited look and caved in features. Foggy thought processing and short-term memory blackouts. Handle with care and double check all bookings.
- Red: all hands on deck! Unprovoked hysteria can erupt without warning. Instant sweats and hot flashes trigger fits of clawing at clothes and drooly mutterings. Keep clear of utensils and trade show displays. Any direct contact at one’s own peril.
- Pink: calm period dotted with extreme euphoria and an unnatural attraction to animals. Been known to give large discounts to relatives and neighbours. Close monitoring required.
Close adherence to my SHTI protocol will ensure you have yours together.
Thank you for your attention.
