Lock & Load, Pumpkins! The site of a single goosebump sends our dear Canadians scurrying for a deal. They are so predictable. Like a man, really. Show a cleavage bump and he’ll beg for a transaction.
It’s easy when they really want it, but fair warning, dahrlings, don’t just grab the easy ones – it may come back and bite you. They think they want to score the cheapest bottom pinching deal of the century loaded with boasting rights – but, you know better than to let them have it. (Tell me you do.) You’ll never hear the end of it if Mrs. Hobsnobbing finds mould in the room – or, God forbid, the food is boring.
Here’s a lovely list of complaints received by a major U.K. operator to remind you just how persnipetty holidayers can be.
1. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."
2. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned.”
3. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."
4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."
5. A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a water hole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate".
6. "The beach was too sandy."
7. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."
8. "Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."
9. "We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five Euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."
10. "No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."
11. "There was no egg slicer in the apartment..."
12. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish..."
13. "The roads were uneven…"
14. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England but it only took the Americans three hours to get home."
15. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."
16. "The brochure states: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We are all trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying here?"
17. "There were too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners."
18. "We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."
19. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."
20. "I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."
21. "My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."
