Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

The Theory Of Relativity
Ivanna Gabbalot

My goodness, Pumpkins, she may look like Trump’s head squirrel chews her hair at night, but make no mistake, that Kellyanne Conway is a sparky little firecracker. If we’d had heralternative facts’ back in my day, dahrlings, things might have turned out differently for many a nasty woman. Oh, the possibilities!

“Slept with your husband? That’s an alternative fact!”

“Multiple choice questions, by their very nature, embody alternative facts. I deserve 100% on that test.”

“You alternative-facting SOB!”

I notice New Leaf moved at the speed of light in espousing this Trumpian Theory of Relativity. After all the foofaraw surrounding the launch of their not airline, not sold through travel agents, the service cancellations (in the alternative world "schedule changes") have been mounting. But not to worry, dear Pumpkins! This is not a repeat of all the other actual airlines that litter the Canadian travel graveyard.

Thankfully, there is alternative information to detract from all that nasty news. A self-congratulatory press release from New Leaf has announced the “major achievement” of transporting over 150,000 people in the last 6 months.

 Is that crowd of 150,000 people the largest ever to attend the inauguration of a not airline?

Ivanna Gabbalot

Columnist

Part legend, part myth, all woman: Ivanna Gabbalot is OJ’s gossip columnist and considers herself the industry’s conscience. Equally annoying to Open Jaw management and inflated egos in C-suites everywhere, Ivanna works infrequently, preferring to snipe from the sidelines.

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