Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

Tales From The Lily Pond
Ivanna Gabbalot

Dahrlings, as you well know, when one dinkette retired, my troubles shrank by 50%. I now dream of the day Open Jaw undergoes a full ice water shrivelling of its last founding member. 

The nincompoop is all a titter about attending a Uniworld christening in Paris with none-other than her all-time idol, Joan Collins wielding the magnum. In preparation, the ninny has hit every thrift shop in town looking for outfits with quarterback-sized shoulder pads. It was never a good look, dahrlings. But left in the unskilled hands of this fashionota, I fear an international incident in the making.  

There’s a pool on board, so Jethrine here keeps rehearsing the Krystle and Alexis lily pond catfight hoping for a moment of splashy glory with Joan. Run, Joan! Run! 

If you’re thinking it means a week of peace for me, not quite. OJ’s Editor-in-Chief will be lording over the place showing off his big title. I call him Mr. Dink. Just because he owns part of the business (I’ve had acid portions bigger than that percentage) – he thinks he can direct me. Fair warning, Bruce Parkinson. You can drop your jaw all you want, I don’t take kindly to men telling me what to do when I’m above ground level. (You want to hit the dungeon, Mr Big Words? Just say the … um, word.)

Anyhoo, I can only hope that Miss Pinky falls off the boat. But with those pontoons on her shoulders, she’ll probably just take on water and float upstream.

Ivanna Gabbalot

Columnist

Part legend, part myth, all woman: Ivanna Gabbalot is OJ’s gossip columnist and considers herself the industry’s conscience. Equally annoying to Open Jaw management and inflated egos in C-suites everywhere, Ivanna works infrequently, preferring to snipe from the sidelines.

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