“Go Directly To Jail – Do not pass Go – Do not collect $200.†That was just the most devastating card to draw, wasn’t it? I loved stopping at Go and getting those 2 brown bills. I no longer cherish…
In principle, I am not against size, Pumpkins. In fact, when it comes to diamonds, bank accounts and certain members, I encourage it. Beyond that, things can get a bit tacky. With hair, platform shoes or gold brocade — one…
I tell you, Pumpkins, Porter’s Deluce must need a hoist for his wheel box. I haven’t seen cheek like that since my 300 pound cousin straddled the mechanical bull at her sweet sixteen. First, he kicks Air Canada off…
It started out innocently enough with a little mouse. And it grew into a bevy of princesses and sundry other vestal virgins imprisoned in castles in multi-million dollar theme parks, movies, music, cartoons, and, a chaste boy band — all…
It’s been forty years since Woodstock and the last Kennedy is dead. My heart is broken, Pumpkins. The age of Aquarius has left the building. And that Trudeau kid is kind of a ninny. Some of you may…
A cougar cruise? Shuuut up! The cougar clubs, cougar shows, cougar dating sites and cougar competitions are in an absolute feline frenzy over it – circling and yowling and snarling themselves into a kitty snitty. And no wonder. …
Ontariariario was flying off the rails last night – houses and trees and cars tossed about like dry grits in a pig pen. Damn near jarred my preserves when the thunder struck. No wonder Americans don’t all come back now.…
Press releases are tricky. Make them too dry, and nobody prints them (unless you’re an advertiser, and that’s a whole other column). Make one little typo, and the Globe devotes half a page to it – and not in a…
OK, we have gender profiling, racial profiling, profile profiling, and now airport personnel are going to run around detecting “behaviour.†Brilliant. I feel safer already. They should try detecting their own thieving, drug smuggling, biker gang baggage handlers. And stop…
Air Canada says paying commission is bringing in the business. Well, Pumpkins, with the millions of dollars you’re now costing them, it better. It’s not like they have much to spare, and shareholders aren’t reallly big on charitable gestures. Some…
