Happiness is… That special time in a woman’s day when the ice has melted just enough to reveal the true nature of the vodka swirling in her tumbler – but not so much as to water it down. It’s…
Shudder my loins, Pumpkins. Harper wants to get inside our computers. Like he’s suddenly so interested in IT. Well, I say it’s an outright invasion of my privates and I won’t stand for it. There was a time men…
Terrorists are taking a new tack in the war against freedom, Pumpkins. In Bangkok yesterday, an Iranian bomber blew his own legs off. The grenade he threw at police ricocheted off a tree and landed at his feet. The cunning…
I once aspired to Divature, Pumpkins, but fortunately I realized I want to live past 50. As Mama Gabbalot used to say, a great diva is a dead diva. What drives great talent along the road to self-destruction? Take…
Yoohoo! Little Pumpkinos! Where are you hiding? There is nothing like a game of hide & seek to get the blood pumping, darhlings. I remember tucking into the closet of the Lady Sandals one time … when I woke…
And they’ve named it “Cooper”. You see, dahrlings, in Europe anyone can buy their very own weather for $389 Euros. It’s called the “Adopt-A-Vortex” scheme. Fabulous. I have no doubt there is a vortex out there just waiting to be…
There is no more need to repent our sins, Pumpkins, or ask for forgiveness. PR is man’s salvation. U.S. firms [also known as ‘cleaners’] are raking in millions to finesse the images of murderous African dictators – I call…
Oh boy, oh boy – I love it! Nothing like an old fashioned cockpit match, eh Pumpkins? (I haven’t seen one of those since Vic Nakhleh was transferred to Toronto. Or maybe that was a hissy fit.) In any…
Ay caramba, Pumpkins! What Canadian gringos are saying about Mexico these days will make your smoke curl. Time to pull our heads out of the Mayan sand, dahrlings. The latest piñata practice on a Canadian tourist is causing quite…
No doubt once Concordia passengers get over the nightmares of hanging off the side of a sinking ship in the middle of the night, they will be calling their lawyers. But not to worry, Pumpkins, Carnival Corp. has staved off…
