What year is this Pumpkins? In the barmy Balkans, apparently it’s 1954, and Hugh Hefner is still chasing chicks with good staple potential. Lithuanians are planning a resort in the Maldives staffed entirely with bouncy blondes and Latvia is asking UNESCO to declare International Blonde Day. When’s the last time you saw a real blonde anyway? And how do you know these days? It’s tough to tell if the carpet matches the drapes when so many are waxing the floors.
Meanwhile, in the ‘civilized’ world, the clock has advanced to 1984 and our governments are working overtime to scare us into submission. Hallowe’en is weeks away but the boogeyman is already at the door, costumed in Al-Qaeda colours. The Canadian government is telling us to “be aware of our surroundings.” The Americans have narrowed down the threat zone to a continent. The Germans are bleating on about “abstract danger.”
If they continue with all this blather, you might think no-one will want to go anywhere. But we know better, don’t we Pumpkins? They can’t scare our clients anymore. Together, we’ll stand strong, acutely aware of our surroundings. We’ll fight them on the beaches, we’ll fight them in the buffet line and at the swim-up bar.
We have nothing to fear, but fear itself.
