Emoticons remind me of squealy 12 year old girls passing notes. I was never twelve, Pumpkins. At least not the smiley face kind.
But someone has had the good sense to invent a sarcasm emoticon – they call it SarcMark and it looks like this: 
Now there’s a doodle I can get behind.
I’ve taken the liberty of providing a few examples of how this handy invention can be implemented in your day-to-day life, Pumpkins:
Of course you don’t have to pay the fee; my travel agency is a registered charity which distributes trips to vacation deprived lawyers such as yourself.
You’d like me to share my commission with you? That’s a great idea. I assume you’ll be sharing your vacation with me.
I totally don’t mind that you booked the trip on your own after I spent hours doing all the research! Working for free makes me a better person.
I don’t think I can guarantee the lowest price you’ll find anywhere, ever – but I can certainly guarantee you’ll be an asshole for the rest of your life.
And here are a few of my personal faves – some uplifting comments I bestow on the Open Jaw dinkettes from time to time.
Where ever did you find those shoes, dahrling? Is the boat show in town already?
I don’t think anyone took notice of your grabbing all the hors d’oeuvres off the tray. People are used to it, dahrling!
The SarcMark folks may as well give in and just name it the GabbaCon, as it will no doubt be known.
