I like to think I’m still one of the cool kids Pumpkins. My thumbs can tap out a pretty good text on my spiffy new smartphone and I know that iPads aren’t for heavy days. I did have to flee…
God save us, Pumpkins! Mexico, Colombia and other drug-addled countries want to legalize marijuana. They compare the war on drugs to prohibition and say violence will decline in tandem with criminal profits. Frankly, I’m appalled… it’s reefer madness… it’s one…
I am turning over a new leaf, Pumpkins. Or perhaps a bud, on this spring day, 2012. From this moment forth, I shall be the picture of positivity. A portender of propitious tidings. A complaint shall not pass these lips…
There are 2 things I have learned in life, Pumpkins. One, virgins should never attend prison rodeos. Two, when Butch Stewart sets his sights on something – get out of the way. The man knows how to mount a marketing…
Is there anyone but the Queen Mother who could pull off pastels – and not look like … well, like the Queen Mother? Coloured chalk. Other than that, I love Easter, Bunnykins. All that peeping and stirring and burgeoning…
Cruise mishaps are spreading like a virulent virus, dahrlings. It’s an epidemic out there!! One cruise line gets it, then boom – they’re passing accidentitis around like a cold sore. Reminds me of that Bonbonic plague that ravaged Europe…
I knew 2012 wouldn’t be easy, Pumpkins. But I wasn’t expecting a total breakdown in sanity. Two certifiably paranoid mid-air freak-outs within one week: first a flight attendant, then a pilot. Both taken away and tossed into rubber comfort…
Whether gay or straight – I find men driven to make a spectacle of their sexual prowess. You just can’t escape it. Stick shifts. Rockets. The Eiffel Tower. Stonehenge. Cannons. Dildos. All roads lead back the phallus. (Ok, so maybe…
Honestly, Pumpkins, so Lisa Raitt got the clap at the airport. It can happen to anyone. Were those suspensions really necessary? If I had to finger anyone who’s ever given me a round of “applause” (the media were so kind to use that…
I have a mental image of AC pilots hanging out in the union caf belting out the cockpit dweller’s anthem: “I’m too sexy for my plane, too sexy for my brain. And I’m too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan.…
